I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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