I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
