Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize