I CAN MOONWALK!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
