You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
