so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
