Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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