she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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