it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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