At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
