I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
