Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
