I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize