Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
