This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
