I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
