I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
