Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
