just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
