he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
