I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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