porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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