sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
