just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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