omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
