So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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