Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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