Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
