I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize