the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
