We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
