literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
