No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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