Sponge bath it is.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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