The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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