youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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