dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
