Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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