Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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