they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
