Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
