See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
