I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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