Someone shit on the floor
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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