I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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