As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
