i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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