I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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