I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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