She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
