He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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