I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
