six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
