His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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