I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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