apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
two words...techno handjob
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
