forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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