Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
