i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
