i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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