im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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