I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
