Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
