Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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