I wish I could punch you in the face.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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