Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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