It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
