i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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