Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
