So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
