I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
