I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
