I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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