Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
