We won't sleep together?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
