How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
