I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
