tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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