she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
