Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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