you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
